Pyew-pyew-pyew

A few nights ago, I was getting boy ready for his shower. When I helped him get his pants off, he said,

Mama, can you lift me up to look at my penis?

You want me to look at your penis? Does it hurt?

No, I want to look at my penis.

Oh, you want to look at your penis in the mirror?

Yes.


He wanted me to help him stand on the bathroom counter so he could look at his penis in the mirror. Kind of a strange request, but there are not many mirrors in this house that are at his level. I thought that maybe he just wanted to check things out since he knows what his dad looks like from the outside. Right?

I lift the boy up and stand him up on the bathroom counter. He laughs and says,

My penis!

Then he grabs his penis, and starts making shooting sounds. Seriously. SERIOUSLY.

What are you doing? (trying to sound nonchalant).

I am pyew-pyew-pyewing (shooting sounds) mine penis!

You are shooting with your penis? Your penis is a weapon?

Yes! Pyew-pyew-pyew.

I am slightly mortified, but also choking back laughter. I mean, he's at that age where he pretends a lot of things are weapons, including shoes, fruit snacks, and pretty much any other object you can think of. We sometimes make him leave his "weapons" in a special cabinet before he plays with other children so that he doesn't pretend to shoot them, and it actually seems to work. I was at first bothered by his weapon obsession, but feel better (sort of) knowing that he is primarily attacking monsters and "bad guys" and that what I perceive as a gun is often a much more elaborate weapon like a rocket or light beam (way better, right?). I have also noticed that since he started pretending to have weapons, he actually hits other children and me much less. I *think* this is a good thing. (???)

He has pretended that his head shoots laser beams. He has pretended that his feet propel rockets. He has even staged battles between his "robot fingers". Why wouldn't he use his penis as a weapon? I mean, it's the one body part he can actually aim and already shoot stuff from. Makes perfect sense, really.

I think to myself, it's no wonder Freud had some of the ideas he did. But mostly, I just want to laugh.

I stifle the laughter, because I don't want to a) encourage penis weaponeering, b) make him feel like I'm laughing at his penis, or c) make him feel like there is something different about his penis compared to the rest of his body. All I said was, oh honey, I don't think a penis should be used as a weapon. It has many better uses and it's already cool because you can pee with it. Are you ready to get in the shower now?

As an aside, it's pretty awesome that he calls it a penis instead of some other goofy name. About six months ago, he had loose bowels, and his father said, oh, buddy, I think you have diarrhea.

No, I have a penis. Mama has a diarrhea.

I guess that's close enough...