Prompt for December 23: New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?
I like my name and think it suits me. But there is another name that I adore.
When I was finishing up my dissertation, I was so overwhelmed and out of my mind that I couldn't write at home. I couldn't write in my office either. Both of these places had become triggers for waves of anxiety that I couldn't overcome. So I wrote in a coffee shop. Not just any coffee shop. Certainly not a coffee shop that was close to my house. I wrote at my favorite coffee shop: Lux. I used to live a short walk from Lux when I first met my dear husband, so it is a place of great memories for me. It was a 30+ minute drive from my house in Mesa, but it was conveniently located next door to what may be the best sandwich shop in Phoenix (Pane Bianco). My mother took a few weeks off from her job to come to Arizona and watch the boy so that I could successfully achieve the impossible. I would go to the coffee shop early in the morning, find a spot, and plant myself there for several hours. Thus, the final days of my dissertating were fueled by outstanding lattes, delicious sandwiches, and fresh baked delights.
Those final days were also fueled by music. I liked writing there because the music was typically LOUD, which would normally be a distraction. In this case, it was loud enough to suppress my crazy so that I could work. Notably, the album that seemed to be a big favorite with the baristas at the time was a Rolling Stones best hits album that included Mother's Little Helper. This was significant to me, because I was bombed out of my mind on the Little Helper's more modern cousin, clonazaSHAZAM!.
One of the baristas kept calling me by a particular name. At first I didn't correct her, but then I finally smiled and told her what my name actually is. She was shocked, because she so thought that this other name was a perfect fit. I asked her how she would spell it.
Aeryn.
What a delightful name! I couldn't see myself as an Erin, but by golly, Aeryn was a different story altogether. Very elfin. Very magical.
I would never take this name for myself, though, because if I ever have a daughter, this name belongs to her. This would be especially meaningful since my brother's middle name (that he chose for himself when he was 7 or 8) is Aaron.
I hope I get to bestow this name some day.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Travel
I just started the Reverb 10 writing prompt "online initiative." They send a writing prompt every day, and you write about it. I found out about it through Sweet and Salty's blog.
The prompt for December 22 is:
Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?
I'm not sure how to define "travel"? Is it only travel if I sleep somewhere else for a night? Or perhaps if it would have been advisable to sleep somewhere else for a night? Is there a certain distance from my house that counts as travel? I'm not sure. We drove to Fargo to go to the charming Red River Valley zoo several times during the summer and early fall. Does that count? Feels like a road trip--an hour on the highway. But I feel like the threshold for "travel" should be higher, though I have to tell you that I LOVE those trips to the zoo and they feel like an adventure because we get to go to the (very small but relatively large compared to Grand Forks) CITY of Fargo. We'd go down a little early in the day to hit the Mexican market that serves chorizo and egg, or potato and egg, or egg and cilantro and tomato tacos. We'd sit out front of the store and scarf them down, and then head to the zoo. I call the weekends "Family Days" with the boy to set them apart from school days as something special. And to remind myself that they are something special.
With regards to more travel-ish travels, I flew to Las Vegas in January for the Society of Personality and Social Psychology conference. It's the big conference for my field. It was nice because I got to see many of my friends from graduate school--both those who graduated before me and those who were still students. Vegas, however, was overwhelming. Next time (if ever) I visit there, I need a firm plan for what to do with my time, otherwise I just walk around confused. It doesn't help that I was trapped in bit of an existential funk while I was there. And five days may be a tish too long for me to spend in Vegas. A three-day max is probably advisable.
A few things really stand out about that trip. First of all, my husband and I were having some serious problems at that time (i.e. he was being a moody prick), and I was having a complete and total (self-absorbed, melodramatic) identity crisis. While in Vegas, over drinks and cigarettes with my friend Steph, I told her about everything that was going on and that I was thinking about seeing a therapist. She said, "do it," and then proceeded to tell me about how she almost lost her shit one year in grad school, saw a psychiatrist, took meds for awhile, stopped the meds when she was better, stopped seeing the shrink a little later, and now she's fine. She said it was really nice to talk to someone. End of story.
Y'all know I have a degree in psychology, right? I mean, not a clinical degree (I can't counsel people, nor would I really want to). I don't deal with disorders, and I'm not going to analyze you (any more than I would have analyzed you before I got a degree, anyway). I'm more interested in how people's thoughts, feelings, and behavior are influenced by other people, and how we navigate our social worlds. Rather than making me more likely to seek help, my psychology background actually makes me incredibly distrustful of the profession. I am not a therapy virgin--I saw a psychologist several years ago, and it was largely unproductive. That was largely due to the fact that I didn't want to change.
When I went bonkers during my dissertation, I saw another psychologist (who I LOVED LOVED LOVED) for a few visits. I wish I could have kept seeing her, but 1) we were moving and 2) she works for the university and her role is really to be a short-term crisis intervention specialist.
As I said, I was not a therapy virgin, but to go and talk about my marriage? And really talk about me? And be truthful? And really try to change the maladaptive behaviors that had become so familiar (and suffocating)? To talk about my father and alcohol (because alcohol was fueling many of our problems and my personal problems)? THAT was an entirely different story.
But because of Steph, when I got home, I called our Employee Assistance Program and went to see a counselor. She had a degree in social work. She briefly mentioned Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing as an option for my anxiety, and I forgave her for it. (There is no empirical evidence that it is any more effective than other, less pyramid-schemey types of therapy and it's essentially just a fancified version of exposure therapy; I may not be a therapist but I know what good science is.) I didn't even tell her that EMDR is bullshit because I liked her. She was a good listener and she asked good questions and I felt good, or at least better, when I left her office.
Here's a dirty little secret about therapy--most forms of therapy are about as effective as any other type of therapy. Within reason. Some of it's just total bullshit, of course. Sometimes the therapy is solid but the therapist sucks. Sometimes you're going to feel better after time passes, regardless of whether you get therapy. For serious disorders some treatments are ABSOLUTELY better than others. Schizophrenics don't respond well to talk-therapy, but many DO respond to drugs well enough to be functional. For most existential crises and relationship snafus, however, it's generally the showing up that matters. It's the telling your story and hearing it fall from your lips to a stranger who asks hard questions that matters. It's the FINDING your story and finding your PLACE in the story that matters.
After a few visits, I hauled my husband and I into a different counselor's office (because you can't see the same counselor as a couple that you see solo) and we went for two visits and that was really all it took to get us back on track. It wasn't a magic fix, but it was the little bit of elbow-grease we needed to get unstuck.
The Vegas trip was also noteworthy because as I was flying out of Vegas, I could see the desert landscape, dusted with snow in the high altitudes, and I started crying. I was so homesick for the desert. Even now, that memory takes my breath away. I kicked myself for not renting a car and getting OUT into the desert for a day while I had the chance.
The third reason that the trip was meaningful is because I was socializing with my grad school friends from the other side of the glass. That invisible barrier that separates grad students from faculty was made real for the first time. Their worries about the unknown land of JOBS were not my worries, and I felt relieved to be on the other side. I still have plenty to worry about, and I worry about jobby stuff all the time. But I've actually been through the interview process and I have actually worked as a professor and no one has figured out I'm an impostor yet. Or if they have figured it out, they don't say anything because they are all impostors too :) I have one less unknown to obsess about.
The next further-away-than-Fargo trip I took was to drive to Minneapolis in April. I left home early in the morning, drove to Minneapolis, spent $400+ at Trader Joe's, packed it all into the car, and drove home. I count this as travel even though it was not an overnight trip. You may say THAT'S CRAZY and tell me that my shopping trip was "expensive". I am here to tell you that even with the gas money and car maintenance costs, it was still fiscally responsible because food is kind of pricey here, and good food is either non-existent or ridiculously expensive. Also, you cannot put a price on the joy that comes from a pantry full of TJ's goodies. The JoJo's cookies were almost worth the trip by themselves. God I love those things. I also bought $100 in soy milk that would have cost closer to $200 here. I don't drink soy milk anymore, but it was a big win at the time.
I logged 10 hours of driving that day. Totally worth it. And I actually love to drive, so it was really nice to just be by myself, in the car, with my music, for an entire day. Spring was springing and it was a nice adventure. Plus, TRADER JOE'S, folks...We don't have one here. Oh, you have no idea how much I miss it.
In June, I traveled to my friend Sean's wedding. Sean was one of my best friends through high school and into college. We met at band camp and both loved jazz. He played guitar, and he was good at it. Hell, we both loved music, period. At band camp, we would sneak off to smoke cigarettes together. Once we got to college, we smoked pot together. A lot of it. We *may* have tried other things too. Maybe. I won't admit to anything, but I might wink at you.
We used to get stoned and drive out on backroads in his jeep listening to Bob Marley. I used to stay at his parents house on Wednesday nights because he and I had an early morning class and I lived 45 minutes away. He took Women's Studies courses in college before he dropped out. He loved that class. We would talk and laugh our asses off hours into the night. I think he was in love with me, but I didn't realize it until years later. I loved him too, but thought we weren't really compatible. I now realize we totally were, but I just didn't know what was really important at the time.
I hated his fiance--now his wife. I hate his life. I visited him a couple of summers ago and was appalled by his lifestyle. People coming in and out all hours of the night. Too much beer. Too much heavy metal music. Too much of her histrionic personality. Too little ambition. I felt a little guilty, because I wondered if he might have been something "more" if we'd become something more. I wanted to visit him again, especially since I was in Phoenix and he was in Prescott and that's a nice little day trip. But honestly, I didn't want to ever be in a room with his lady friend ever again if I could help it.
When he told me he was getting married, my heart sunk. But I bought a plane ticket and went because I love him.
The wedding was at her parents house (a trailer, but to be fair it was a nice trailer on a large plot of land) and featured guests with white power tattoos, someone in a top hat who I think may have been schizophrenic, a lot of canned beer, Led Zeppelin wedding vows, a bunch of religious stuff even though I have NEVER heard him say a word about Jesus Christ in our 17 years of friendship, a potluck, and no soap in the bathroom for washing hands. Seriously? How do you not make sure that there is soap in the bathroom for a wedding? I didn't stay for the potluck.
When I arrived, I felt out of place because I didn't know anyone. Soon, I felt out of place because I didn't WANT to know anyone. I couldn't wait to get out of there. I felt lucky that I escaped to something better. It sounds snobby, but it's how I felt. Lucky.
As I watched him, I realized he was happy and that he loved her. I realized he was happy with his life. I was happy that he was happy and also relieved that he wasn't really "trapped" in any way. She has a son by someone else, and I had worried that maybe he was doing this out of some sense of duty. Nope.
His happiness also made me feel terribly sad because I knew that the fact that he was happy with this and with her meant that we lived in totally different worlds now. I cried when I drove away (after lying about having to return the rental car that night so that I could leave immediately without feeling bad). I cried because I didn't know if I'd ever have a reason to see him again. And I cried because it's true--you can't go home again. I've known this for years, but it felt like the final link to my adolescence was severed.
We debated traveling for Christmas this year, but I really wanted to be in our home for Christmas. This will be the first year that we didn't spend Christmas morning with my in-laws. I love them. Truly, truly, love them. And Christmas at their house is AWESOME especially when all of Hym's siblings come home. I come from a small family that was always grouchy on Christmas, so experiencing Christmas at their house makes me feel like a kid again. But the boy is almost four and I really wanted to do our own thing this year. I looked into flights that would be before or after Christmas (we are blessed to have an Allegiant route from here to there), but they weren't nearly as cheap as the flights that would have kept us there over Christmas.
I am homesick and I miss my family and I miss the desert. But I am also joyous that we will have our own little family Christmas this year, to start our own traditions and celebrate our beautiful life here. It's the first year that we've gotten a tree, and every time I look at it I am filled with comfort and delight. It smells good. There is snow here. I don't think I've ever had a white Christmas... What a treat!
I didn't address the second part of the question about travel in the upcoming year. I'm okay with that.
The prompt for December 22 is:
Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?
I'm not sure how to define "travel"? Is it only travel if I sleep somewhere else for a night? Or perhaps if it would have been advisable to sleep somewhere else for a night? Is there a certain distance from my house that counts as travel? I'm not sure. We drove to Fargo to go to the charming Red River Valley zoo several times during the summer and early fall. Does that count? Feels like a road trip--an hour on the highway. But I feel like the threshold for "travel" should be higher, though I have to tell you that I LOVE those trips to the zoo and they feel like an adventure because we get to go to the (very small but relatively large compared to Grand Forks) CITY of Fargo. We'd go down a little early in the day to hit the Mexican market that serves chorizo and egg, or potato and egg, or egg and cilantro and tomato tacos. We'd sit out front of the store and scarf them down, and then head to the zoo. I call the weekends "Family Days" with the boy to set them apart from school days as something special. And to remind myself that they are something special.
With regards to more travel-ish travels, I flew to Las Vegas in January for the Society of Personality and Social Psychology conference. It's the big conference for my field. It was nice because I got to see many of my friends from graduate school--both those who graduated before me and those who were still students. Vegas, however, was overwhelming. Next time (if ever) I visit there, I need a firm plan for what to do with my time, otherwise I just walk around confused. It doesn't help that I was trapped in bit of an existential funk while I was there. And five days may be a tish too long for me to spend in Vegas. A three-day max is probably advisable.
A few things really stand out about that trip. First of all, my husband and I were having some serious problems at that time (i.e. he was being a moody prick), and I was having a complete and total (self-absorbed, melodramatic) identity crisis. While in Vegas, over drinks and cigarettes with my friend Steph, I told her about everything that was going on and that I was thinking about seeing a therapist. She said, "do it," and then proceeded to tell me about how she almost lost her shit one year in grad school, saw a psychiatrist, took meds for awhile, stopped the meds when she was better, stopped seeing the shrink a little later, and now she's fine. She said it was really nice to talk to someone. End of story.
Y'all know I have a degree in psychology, right? I mean, not a clinical degree (I can't counsel people, nor would I really want to). I don't deal with disorders, and I'm not going to analyze you (any more than I would have analyzed you before I got a degree, anyway). I'm more interested in how people's thoughts, feelings, and behavior are influenced by other people, and how we navigate our social worlds. Rather than making me more likely to seek help, my psychology background actually makes me incredibly distrustful of the profession. I am not a therapy virgin--I saw a psychologist several years ago, and it was largely unproductive. That was largely due to the fact that I didn't want to change.
When I went bonkers during my dissertation, I saw another psychologist (who I LOVED LOVED LOVED) for a few visits. I wish I could have kept seeing her, but 1) we were moving and 2) she works for the university and her role is really to be a short-term crisis intervention specialist.
As I said, I was not a therapy virgin, but to go and talk about my marriage? And really talk about me? And be truthful? And really try to change the maladaptive behaviors that had become so familiar (and suffocating)? To talk about my father and alcohol (because alcohol was fueling many of our problems and my personal problems)? THAT was an entirely different story.
But because of Steph, when I got home, I called our Employee Assistance Program and went to see a counselor. She had a degree in social work. She briefly mentioned Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing as an option for my anxiety, and I forgave her for it. (There is no empirical evidence that it is any more effective than other, less pyramid-schemey types of therapy and it's essentially just a fancified version of exposure therapy; I may not be a therapist but I know what good science is.) I didn't even tell her that EMDR is bullshit because I liked her. She was a good listener and she asked good questions and I felt good, or at least better, when I left her office.
Here's a dirty little secret about therapy--most forms of therapy are about as effective as any other type of therapy. Within reason. Some of it's just total bullshit, of course. Sometimes the therapy is solid but the therapist sucks. Sometimes you're going to feel better after time passes, regardless of whether you get therapy. For serious disorders some treatments are ABSOLUTELY better than others. Schizophrenics don't respond well to talk-therapy, but many DO respond to drugs well enough to be functional. For most existential crises and relationship snafus, however, it's generally the showing up that matters. It's the telling your story and hearing it fall from your lips to a stranger who asks hard questions that matters. It's the FINDING your story and finding your PLACE in the story that matters.
After a few visits, I hauled my husband and I into a different counselor's office (because you can't see the same counselor as a couple that you see solo) and we went for two visits and that was really all it took to get us back on track. It wasn't a magic fix, but it was the little bit of elbow-grease we needed to get unstuck.
The Vegas trip was also noteworthy because as I was flying out of Vegas, I could see the desert landscape, dusted with snow in the high altitudes, and I started crying. I was so homesick for the desert. Even now, that memory takes my breath away. I kicked myself for not renting a car and getting OUT into the desert for a day while I had the chance.
The third reason that the trip was meaningful is because I was socializing with my grad school friends from the other side of the glass. That invisible barrier that separates grad students from faculty was made real for the first time. Their worries about the unknown land of JOBS were not my worries, and I felt relieved to be on the other side. I still have plenty to worry about, and I worry about jobby stuff all the time. But I've actually been through the interview process and I have actually worked as a professor and no one has figured out I'm an impostor yet. Or if they have figured it out, they don't say anything because they are all impostors too :) I have one less unknown to obsess about.
The next further-away-than-Fargo trip I took was to drive to Minneapolis in April. I left home early in the morning, drove to Minneapolis, spent $400+ at Trader Joe's, packed it all into the car, and drove home. I count this as travel even though it was not an overnight trip. You may say THAT'S CRAZY and tell me that my shopping trip was "expensive". I am here to tell you that even with the gas money and car maintenance costs, it was still fiscally responsible because food is kind of pricey here, and good food is either non-existent or ridiculously expensive. Also, you cannot put a price on the joy that comes from a pantry full of TJ's goodies. The JoJo's cookies were almost worth the trip by themselves. God I love those things. I also bought $100 in soy milk that would have cost closer to $200 here. I don't drink soy milk anymore, but it was a big win at the time.
I logged 10 hours of driving that day. Totally worth it. And I actually love to drive, so it was really nice to just be by myself, in the car, with my music, for an entire day. Spring was springing and it was a nice adventure. Plus, TRADER JOE'S, folks...We don't have one here. Oh, you have no idea how much I miss it.
In June, I traveled to my friend Sean's wedding. Sean was one of my best friends through high school and into college. We met at band camp and both loved jazz. He played guitar, and he was good at it. Hell, we both loved music, period. At band camp, we would sneak off to smoke cigarettes together. Once we got to college, we smoked pot together. A lot of it. We *may* have tried other things too. Maybe. I won't admit to anything, but I might wink at you.
We used to get stoned and drive out on backroads in his jeep listening to Bob Marley. I used to stay at his parents house on Wednesday nights because he and I had an early morning class and I lived 45 minutes away. He took Women's Studies courses in college before he dropped out. He loved that class. We would talk and laugh our asses off hours into the night. I think he was in love with me, but I didn't realize it until years later. I loved him too, but thought we weren't really compatible. I now realize we totally were, but I just didn't know what was really important at the time.
I hated his fiance--now his wife. I hate his life. I visited him a couple of summers ago and was appalled by his lifestyle. People coming in and out all hours of the night. Too much beer. Too much heavy metal music. Too much of her histrionic personality. Too little ambition. I felt a little guilty, because I wondered if he might have been something "more" if we'd become something more. I wanted to visit him again, especially since I was in Phoenix and he was in Prescott and that's a nice little day trip. But honestly, I didn't want to ever be in a room with his lady friend ever again if I could help it.
When he told me he was getting married, my heart sunk. But I bought a plane ticket and went because I love him.
The wedding was at her parents house (a trailer, but to be fair it was a nice trailer on a large plot of land) and featured guests with white power tattoos, someone in a top hat who I think may have been schizophrenic, a lot of canned beer, Led Zeppelin wedding vows, a bunch of religious stuff even though I have NEVER heard him say a word about Jesus Christ in our 17 years of friendship, a potluck, and no soap in the bathroom for washing hands. Seriously? How do you not make sure that there is soap in the bathroom for a wedding? I didn't stay for the potluck.
When I arrived, I felt out of place because I didn't know anyone. Soon, I felt out of place because I didn't WANT to know anyone. I couldn't wait to get out of there. I felt lucky that I escaped to something better. It sounds snobby, but it's how I felt. Lucky.
As I watched him, I realized he was happy and that he loved her. I realized he was happy with his life. I was happy that he was happy and also relieved that he wasn't really "trapped" in any way. She has a son by someone else, and I had worried that maybe he was doing this out of some sense of duty. Nope.
His happiness also made me feel terribly sad because I knew that the fact that he was happy with this and with her meant that we lived in totally different worlds now. I cried when I drove away (after lying about having to return the rental car that night so that I could leave immediately without feeling bad). I cried because I didn't know if I'd ever have a reason to see him again. And I cried because it's true--you can't go home again. I've known this for years, but it felt like the final link to my adolescence was severed.
We debated traveling for Christmas this year, but I really wanted to be in our home for Christmas. This will be the first year that we didn't spend Christmas morning with my in-laws. I love them. Truly, truly, love them. And Christmas at their house is AWESOME especially when all of Hym's siblings come home. I come from a small family that was always grouchy on Christmas, so experiencing Christmas at their house makes me feel like a kid again. But the boy is almost four and I really wanted to do our own thing this year. I looked into flights that would be before or after Christmas (we are blessed to have an Allegiant route from here to there), but they weren't nearly as cheap as the flights that would have kept us there over Christmas.
I am homesick and I miss my family and I miss the desert. But I am also joyous that we will have our own little family Christmas this year, to start our own traditions and celebrate our beautiful life here. It's the first year that we've gotten a tree, and every time I look at it I am filled with comfort and delight. It smells good. There is snow here. I don't think I've ever had a white Christmas... What a treat!
I didn't address the second part of the question about travel in the upcoming year. I'm okay with that.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Books for Preschoolers that don't make me want to gouge my eyes out with a...
We have a lot of children's books in our house. A LOT of books, period. I lug them around every time I move. I wish I could part with more of them, but this is my hoarding achilles heel.
Many children's books bore me. They make me want to read them quickly to get them over with, especially after the umpteenth reading. There are a few books, however, that stand out from the crowd. The boy loves them and I love reading them to him, over and over again.
Spoon. Written by Amy Krouse Rosenthal with illustrations by Scott Magoon.
My best friend and I discovered this book at Powell's when we spent a weekend in Portland during the summer of 2009. It made such an impression that she was sure to order it for the boy last Christmas. From the Powell's website:
"Young Spoon lives a fairly happy life with a large extended family (including a ladle and a very fancy Aunt Silver), but he can't help being a bit jealous of some of his friends. Knife, for example, 'is so lucky! He gets to cut, he gets to spread.' Not to mention Chopsticks: 'Everyone thinks they're really cool and exotic! No one thinks I'm cool or exotic.' Spoon's mother doesn't try to change his mind, but reacts neutrally. Outside conversations let readers know that Spoon is being envied right back: 'Spoon is so lucky!' sigh the Chopsticks. 'We could never function apart.' At bedtime, Spoon's mom offers encouragement ('Your friends will never know the joy of diving headfirst into a bowl of ice cream') then invites him into the big bed — to spoon, of course. The talented Magoon (Mystery Ride!) gives the utensils plenty of personality, with wide eyes and expressive antlike appendages, and Rosenthal's (Little Pea) skillful storytelling moves along briskly. The humorous but earnest message about valuing one's own talents comes through loud and clear. Ages 2 — 6."
I simply love that he is invited into the big bed to "spoon" at the end. It never fails to make me laugh. The humor is clever and the story is endearing.
Instructions is a book that grew from a poem by Neil Gaiman, with illustrations by Charles Vess.
I adore Neil Gaiman. I read American Gods several years ago, and it quickly became one of my all-time favorite books. The book is based on the premise that the old gods still walk among us, and that they are organizing to fight against the new, modern gods--like the Internet, television, credit cards, etc. That book was written for grown-ups, and if you haven't read it, you should. Especially if you like folklore and Norse gods in particular. But this isn't about American Gods.
Gaiman also writes books for young adults and preschoolers. Instructions, based on poem by Gaiman, is my favorite book that he has written for young children. It's rapidly becoming one of my favorite books, period. Gaiman has described it as a how-to-survive-should-you-ever-find-yourself-trapped-inside-a-fairy-tale book. You can read the poem here. You can watch a fantastic video below that shares many of the illustrations and features the author reading the entire poem.
Even after watching this enchanted video, it's still worth it to buy the book. After all, it offers damn good advice to live by:
"Remember your name.
Do not lose hope — what you seek will be found.
Trust ghosts. Trust those that you have
helped to help you in their turn.
Trust dreams.
Trust your heart, and trust your story."
And these last few words make me weepy each time I hear them or read them aloud:
"When you reach the little house, the
place your journey started,
you will recognize it, although it will seem
much smaller than you remember.
Walk up the path, and through the garden
gate you never saw before but once.
And then go home. Or make a home.
Or rest. "
Crazy Hair. Also by Gaiman, with illustrations by Dave McKean.
This book is just plain silly. And it rhymes! I love the cadence and the illustrations are funny, fantastical, and just a tad creepy. I have fun reading it every time.
When I read this book, I am struck by the depth of its poem. Seriously. It's a deep poem, no?
I am the only Me I Am
Who qualifies as me,
no Me I AM has been before,
and none will ever be
No other Me I Am
can feel the feelings I' ve within,
no other Me I Am
can fit precisely in my skin
There is no other Me I Am
who thinks the thoughts I do,
the world contains one Me I Am
There is no room for two
I am the only Me I Am
this earth shall ever see,
that Me I Am I always am
is no one else but Me!
This book is based on the above poem by Jack Prelutsky, the first winner of the Children’s Poet Laureate award. The poem is beautiful, and the illustrations that accompany it are great fun to look at with your child because there's a lot of "stuff" going on in the picture that they can ask questions about. In searching for more information about him, I discovered this section on the scholastic website, and he offers great tips (I think) for writers--child and adult alike. I also like that this book will serve as an early reader book because most of the words are simple.
Chip Wants a Dog.
This book is weird, but fun. The photographs and story are by William Wegman, who apparently luuurrrves weimaraners. Chip (who is, very obviously, a dog) wants a dog, but there are barriers to this goal, such as the fact that his parents (who are also dogs) won't allow him to get a dog because dogs are a lot of work, and his mother is a cat person. In the end, Chip realizes he doesn't need a dog--HE IS A DOG. I'm not sure what the "moral" is, but I think it's something about not needing someone to make your life complete. The photographs of the beautiful weimaraners (dressed in clothes, reading magazines, etc.) are hilarious.
The Human Body: A Magic Skeleton Book. Written by Janet Sacks. Illustrated by Jan Smith and Peter Bull.
When the boy was potty training, he wanted to know where poop comes from. It wasn't enough to know that poop came from food--he wanted to know how food turned into poop. I tried showing him images online, but they are confusing for a little guy. I looked at several books before finding this one. Most of the children's anatomy books are either WAY too detailed for a 3-4 year-old, or they are (in my opinion) just plain stupid. I was really excited when I found this book. You can't tell from the Amazon images, but each page has a slide-out tab, so that you can first see the skeleton (or digestive system, or brain, etc.) and then when you pull the slider out, you see where that particular organ (or skeleton) resides in the body. The book includes pull tabs for the skeleton, the brain, the heart, the lungs, and the digestive system; simple information about cells, teeth, and nutrition is also included. The boy loves it, and when he took it to show-and-tell, his teacher wrote the information down to order one for the classroom because she had also had difficulty finding something that was both appropriate and informative for young children. You do have to be a little gentle with it because if you pull really hard the tabs will come all the way out or get torn, but overall the book is sturdier than I thought it would be. The book will grow with him because there are sort of layers of information in the book, so that we can move from just enjoying the pull tabs to reading more of the details in the book.
Frog and Toad stories, written and illustrated by Arnold Lobel.
Chip Wants a Dog.
This book is weird, but fun. The photographs and story are by William Wegman, who apparently luuurrrves weimaraners. Chip (who is, very obviously, a dog) wants a dog, but there are barriers to this goal, such as the fact that his parents (who are also dogs) won't allow him to get a dog because dogs are a lot of work, and his mother is a cat person. In the end, Chip realizes he doesn't need a dog--HE IS A DOG. I'm not sure what the "moral" is, but I think it's something about not needing someone to make your life complete. The photographs of the beautiful weimaraners (dressed in clothes, reading magazines, etc.) are hilarious.
The Human Body: A Magic Skeleton Book. Written by Janet Sacks. Illustrated by Jan Smith and Peter Bull.
When the boy was potty training, he wanted to know where poop comes from. It wasn't enough to know that poop came from food--he wanted to know how food turned into poop. I tried showing him images online, but they are confusing for a little guy. I looked at several books before finding this one. Most of the children's anatomy books are either WAY too detailed for a 3-4 year-old, or they are (in my opinion) just plain stupid. I was really excited when I found this book. You can't tell from the Amazon images, but each page has a slide-out tab, so that you can first see the skeleton (or digestive system, or brain, etc.) and then when you pull the slider out, you see where that particular organ (or skeleton) resides in the body. The book includes pull tabs for the skeleton, the brain, the heart, the lungs, and the digestive system; simple information about cells, teeth, and nutrition is also included. The boy loves it, and when he took it to show-and-tell, his teacher wrote the information down to order one for the classroom because she had also had difficulty finding something that was both appropriate and informative for young children. You do have to be a little gentle with it because if you pull really hard the tabs will come all the way out or get torn, but overall the book is sturdier than I thought it would be. The book will grow with him because there are sort of layers of information in the book, so that we can move from just enjoying the pull tabs to reading more of the details in the book.
Frog and Toad stories, written and illustrated by Arnold Lobel.
These are by no means new books. They were published in the 1970s, but I didn't read these books as a child. Now I feel like I was deprived :) If you were similarly deprived, buy them now so that you can enjoy them with your child. They are simple, sweet, and funny stories about two best friends--Frog and Toad. I would probably read these by myself even if I didn't have a child, now that I've discovered them.
Friday, December 10, 2010
On Prefixes, Priorites, and Breast Milk
I am an affiliate of the Women's Studies program here. There is no actual major in Women's Studies, just a program, and I am grateful that we have that.
Apparently the state's higher board of education want our university and the other university to have the same prefix for their programs to make it easier to transfer credits. I get it. This is one of those little annoying things that isn't a big deal until you find yourself dealing with people's mistakes too much of the time. Go ahead--change the program name and/or the prefix. Let's move on.
Move on? But no. No, no, no, no, no. We can't just get it done and move on, because academics are a bunch of narcissistic crybabies. Not all of them, but too many of them.
Narcissistic crybabies. There, I said it.
I don't go to the Women's Studies meetings because it seems like a lot of drama. I feel bad about not attending, but there are a handful of people that really get under my skin who faithfully attend and I only have so much patience. I try to save it for my child :)
There is an awful lot of mental masturbation (i.e. big words that serve no more function than smaller words, theorizing for the sake of theorizing, using hard-to-understand, insider terminology) going on in this department. My friend C calls it academic masturbation. I think academic masturbators are just subsets of mental masturbators. My ex-husband was an MM, but not in the academic category. He was a music snob MM. Like High Fidelity, but way more "underground."
My friend, K, is a member of the Women's studies curriculum committee. Regarding the meetings about name changes: Oh my god. There was pointing and yelling and crying and all sorts of drama.
Narcissistic crybabies. I told you.
K then went on to say that she must be a bad feminist, because she just didn't care that much about the prefix--she wanted to get on with other challenges and problems in the curriculum.
The thing is, I totally understand why this kind of thing matters. They are currently debating two options to rename the program: Women and Gender Studies vs. Gender and Women's Studies. I find the second-wave feminists favor the first option and third-wave/queer theorists want the second. So while the some of them are duking it out, there are others (4th wave pragmatists?) who are like, um, hey, uh, we just need to get this done so we can move on to important shit.
Personally, I prefer the first option: Women and Gender Studies. I think it's important to include both Women and Gender in the title, but I think Women should come first, if for no reason other than to pay homage to those early programs that were hard to start and controversial. In this regard, I agree with the 2nd-wavers. If women will be subsumed under "Gender," then you might was well just take "Women" out of the name.
Yes, I have an opinion. But at the end of the day, I'll go with any of the options as long as we still have a program and funds to expand. I'm nauseated that this kind of thing is taking up so much time. Let's celebrate that we have a program that needs a name and that we have freedom to bicker about this bullshit. And then move on.
Because seriously, stuff like this is happening, and once again, women are being chastised for daring to assert that they know what is best for their children, even though they are in agreement with the recommendations from the World Health Organization. The overarching message is that women are too irresponsible to be able to care for their children appropriately. The overarching message is that women are really just children, after all. They can create life, but are obviously too feeble-minded to figure out how to boil milk. Obviously, we shouldn't trust them to cook meat to a proper temperature either. Those dirty, weak, imbeciles can't be trusted.
I'd rather put my time and effort into political action like this. This is where academic feminists should be putting their time and energy. The Eats on Feets "movement" didn't initially set out to be political; it has, of course, become political. Anytime women assert control over their bodies, it becomes political. There is always backlash. The medical-pharmaceutical-agricultural-industrial complex always knows best.
This woman started the first Facebook page. She is simply amazing, and I feel honored to know her:
"I'm not saying we need to discount possible concerns because they are real and legitimate," said Walker. "But women are smart enough to figure these things out."
Amen to that.
Apparently the state's higher board of education want our university and the other university to have the same prefix for their programs to make it easier to transfer credits. I get it. This is one of those little annoying things that isn't a big deal until you find yourself dealing with people's mistakes too much of the time. Go ahead--change the program name and/or the prefix. Let's move on.
Move on? But no. No, no, no, no, no. We can't just get it done and move on, because academics are a bunch of narcissistic crybabies. Not all of them, but too many of them.
Narcissistic crybabies. There, I said it.
I don't go to the Women's Studies meetings because it seems like a lot of drama. I feel bad about not attending, but there are a handful of people that really get under my skin who faithfully attend and I only have so much patience. I try to save it for my child :)
There is an awful lot of mental masturbation (i.e. big words that serve no more function than smaller words, theorizing for the sake of theorizing, using hard-to-understand, insider terminology) going on in this department. My friend C calls it academic masturbation. I think academic masturbators are just subsets of mental masturbators. My ex-husband was an MM, but not in the academic category. He was a music snob MM. Like High Fidelity, but way more "underground."
My friend, K, is a member of the Women's studies curriculum committee. Regarding the meetings about name changes: Oh my god. There was pointing and yelling and crying and all sorts of drama.
Narcissistic crybabies. I told you.
K then went on to say that she must be a bad feminist, because she just didn't care that much about the prefix--she wanted to get on with other challenges and problems in the curriculum.
The thing is, I totally understand why this kind of thing matters. They are currently debating two options to rename the program: Women and Gender Studies vs. Gender and Women's Studies. I find the second-wave feminists favor the first option and third-wave/queer theorists want the second. So while the some of them are duking it out, there are others (4th wave pragmatists?) who are like, um, hey, uh, we just need to get this done so we can move on to important shit.
Personally, I prefer the first option: Women and Gender Studies. I think it's important to include both Women and Gender in the title, but I think Women should come first, if for no reason other than to pay homage to those early programs that were hard to start and controversial. In this regard, I agree with the 2nd-wavers. If women will be subsumed under "Gender," then you might was well just take "Women" out of the name.
Yes, I have an opinion. But at the end of the day, I'll go with any of the options as long as we still have a program and funds to expand. I'm nauseated that this kind of thing is taking up so much time. Let's celebrate that we have a program that needs a name and that we have freedom to bicker about this bullshit. And then move on.
Because seriously, stuff like this is happening, and once again, women are being chastised for daring to assert that they know what is best for their children, even though they are in agreement with the recommendations from the World Health Organization. The overarching message is that women are too irresponsible to be able to care for their children appropriately. The overarching message is that women are really just children, after all. They can create life, but are obviously too feeble-minded to figure out how to boil milk. Obviously, we shouldn't trust them to cook meat to a proper temperature either. Those dirty, weak, imbeciles can't be trusted.
I'd rather put my time and effort into political action like this. This is where academic feminists should be putting their time and energy. The Eats on Feets "movement" didn't initially set out to be political; it has, of course, become political. Anytime women assert control over their bodies, it becomes political. There is always backlash. The medical-pharmaceutical-agricultural-industrial complex always knows best.
This woman started the first Facebook page. She is simply amazing, and I feel honored to know her:
"I'm not saying we need to discount possible concerns because they are real and legitimate," said Walker. "But women are smart enough to figure these things out."
Amen to that.
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Santa
The boy visited Santa today. When we got there, there was no line (SERIOUSLY, NO LINE! I wasn't sure how to react), and I asked him what he was going to ask Santa for. He said he couldn't remember (even though he's been reciting the same two things for several weeks), so I reminded him of the first thing--an R2D2 robot. Once I reminded him of that item, he generated the following list:
1. R2D2 robot (already purchased on Ebay)--He saw a remote control R2D2 robot in the store last May, and has been mentioning it ever since. Please don't ask how my almost 4-year-old knows who R2D2 is. I still can't decide if that's parenting win or parenting fail. Instead, I refer you to this video:
3. Journal from mama**--A few weeks ago I asked what he would like from me for Christmas, and he said he would like a journal like the one he has at school, which is basically a tri-prong folder with blank pages.
4. Water bottle from daddy--When I asked what he would like form daddy, he said another water bottle. He already has a couple of stainless steel water bottles, and he keeps one next to the bed, takes one to school, etc. Since he hasn't used a sippy cup in several months (after I decided that I really wanted to minimize the degree to which our food touches plastic***), I think this is a prudent and endearing request.
Then, he turned to me and said, what else?
I suggested play-doh, because he is out of it and I already bought more.
5. Play-doh
When he got up to Santa, there was no way he was sitting on his lap, but he did bend in and whisper his list, in that exact order.
I try to not go overboard on material things for holidays and birthdays, but it's hard because I LOVE TOYS and holidays in my house growing up were riddled with tension and strife. I know that you can't buy your way to happiness, and have tried to stick to a fairly rigid list this year. The last few years I bought more than expected, and ended up doling things out for subsequent holidays or other random days of the year. Case in point--we just opened the majority of the play-doh that I bought last December. He created an army of creatures with it and refused to put them away so they dried up. He continued to play with them until I'd had enough of finding crumbs everywhere, so I slowly threw them away one at a time so he didn't notice. Hence the need for more play-doh.
*I don't mind giving a shout-out to Ebay because a few months ago, I ordered a Wall-E costume from a seller on Ebay (because boy was very definite about what he wanted to be for Halloween and I couldn't find the costume here). The costume that arrived was not the one in the picture, and I had taken a lot of time to find that specific costume. Had I wanted the costume they sent to me, I could have found it far cheaper and with less hassle on several other sites. When I tried to contact the seller, they had disappeared. I couldn't email them. I couldn't go to the seller's store. I contacted Ebay. After a week passed and I was still unable to contact the seller, Ebay refunded my money. All of it. In the past I have been hesitant to order anything online, but this earned my confidence. I like that I can order used things, and even though many items are not local, I feel like that reduces my carbon footprint. If I were to buy something new locally, my options are limited, so I'd end up giving my money to a chain store that shipped the stuff here anyway and sends the profits back to a corporate office.
**I could have explained that he didn't need to tell Santa what he wanted mommy and daddy to get him, but that would have been confusing.
***I know that the plastic stuff is BPA free now, but I still don't trust the plastics industry and feel it is only a matter of time until we learn that some other chemical in plastic is making us sick. I try to store everything in glass. Especially if it will be reheated in a microwave (we don't own a microwave, but I take leftovers to work).
1. R2D2 robot (already purchased on Ebay)--He saw a remote control R2D2 robot in the store last May, and has been mentioning it ever since. Please don't ask how my almost 4-year-old knows who R2D2 is. I still can't decide if that's parenting win or parenting fail. Instead, I refer you to this video:
3. Journal from mama**--A few weeks ago I asked what he would like from me for Christmas, and he said he would like a journal like the one he has at school, which is basically a tri-prong folder with blank pages.
4. Water bottle from daddy--When I asked what he would like form daddy, he said another water bottle. He already has a couple of stainless steel water bottles, and he keeps one next to the bed, takes one to school, etc. Since he hasn't used a sippy cup in several months (after I decided that I really wanted to minimize the degree to which our food touches plastic***), I think this is a prudent and endearing request.
Then, he turned to me and said, what else?
I suggested play-doh, because he is out of it and I already bought more.
5. Play-doh
When he got up to Santa, there was no way he was sitting on his lap, but he did bend in and whisper his list, in that exact order.
I try to not go overboard on material things for holidays and birthdays, but it's hard because I LOVE TOYS and holidays in my house growing up were riddled with tension and strife. I know that you can't buy your way to happiness, and have tried to stick to a fairly rigid list this year. The last few years I bought more than expected, and ended up doling things out for subsequent holidays or other random days of the year. Case in point--we just opened the majority of the play-doh that I bought last December. He created an army of creatures with it and refused to put them away so they dried up. He continued to play with them until I'd had enough of finding crumbs everywhere, so I slowly threw them away one at a time so he didn't notice. Hence the need for more play-doh.
*I don't mind giving a shout-out to Ebay because a few months ago, I ordered a Wall-E costume from a seller on Ebay (because boy was very definite about what he wanted to be for Halloween and I couldn't find the costume here). The costume that arrived was not the one in the picture, and I had taken a lot of time to find that specific costume. Had I wanted the costume they sent to me, I could have found it far cheaper and with less hassle on several other sites. When I tried to contact the seller, they had disappeared. I couldn't email them. I couldn't go to the seller's store. I contacted Ebay. After a week passed and I was still unable to contact the seller, Ebay refunded my money. All of it. In the past I have been hesitant to order anything online, but this earned my confidence. I like that I can order used things, and even though many items are not local, I feel like that reduces my carbon footprint. If I were to buy something new locally, my options are limited, so I'd end up giving my money to a chain store that shipped the stuff here anyway and sends the profits back to a corporate office.
**I could have explained that he didn't need to tell Santa what he wanted mommy and daddy to get him, but that would have been confusing.
***I know that the plastic stuff is BPA free now, but I still don't trust the plastics industry and feel it is only a matter of time until we learn that some other chemical in plastic is making us sick. I try to store everything in glass. Especially if it will be reheated in a microwave (we don't own a microwave, but I take leftovers to work).
Friday, December 03, 2010
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Winter
Dressed in their space suits,
toddlers in the snow.
Stumbling, falling, laughing, crying--
Winter has arrived.
toddlers in the snow.
Stumbling, falling, laughing, crying--
Winter has arrived.
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Food on Your Face
When winter started sneaking up on us this year, my hands suffered badly. No matter how many times I put on lotion, they still end up red and speckled and cracked. I mentioned this to my Introduction to Psychology course, with a request for suggestions on how to win the battle between my hands and the cruel winter air (and I know, it would help if I actually wore my gloves all the time, but the Vitamin D has to leak in SOMEWHERE).
A student emailed me today with a few questions about our most recent study guide, and she also sent me a link to Crunchy Betty. I think I am in love. Here is a post about dry hands, and by golly, it gives me hope! She's got skin care suggestions, household cleaning suggestions, etc. I especially love the subtitle of the site: You've Got Food on Your Face.
This recent post made me laugh, in addition to providing some general advice to live your life by:
Indeed.
I want to meet Betty some day.
A student emailed me today with a few questions about our most recent study guide, and she also sent me a link to Crunchy Betty. I think I am in love. Here is a post about dry hands, and by golly, it gives me hope! She's got skin care suggestions, household cleaning suggestions, etc. I especially love the subtitle of the site: You've Got Food on Your Face.
This recent post made me laugh, in addition to providing some general advice to live your life by:
Sometimes You Have to Pee In the Snow, Just to See What Happens.
Indeed.
I want to meet Betty some day.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Stranger in a Plains Land ~ 3
Of all the things I have discovered here, the magic of frozen fog is my favorite.
As I was leaving my office one evening last winter, it was foggy, but the temperature was well below freezing. It was probably -20 degrees Fahrenheit. As the fog hit my face, it felt like teeny tiny ice petals brushing across my skin. The fog was frozen. It was such a strange sensation. The next morning was my initiation to the magic of frost.
The picture above was taken at my favorite playground in town--Sherlock Playground. It's all wood and castle-like. Very Scandinavian.
A friend of mine told me that what you see in these pictures is hoar frost, but I think some of it may actually be rime frost.
I am no meteorologist--though I am obsessed with weather--so I can't reliably tell the difference in types of frost. I do know that it's beautiful.
I can tolerate day after day of freezing weather to be rewarded with this. These pictures were all taken last year, but we had a pretty good frost day a few days ago. I just couldn't find my camera...
When the frost visited us a few days ago, I told the boy that the frost faerie had painted all the trees.
He asked, where did she go? Can we see her?
I said she was very tiny and maybe even invisible and probably very tired from all the frosting she had done.
I said we should be thankful that she visited us.
We can add the frost faerie to the other lies I've been delighted to tell him.
Although these pictures are beautiful, they do not do the frost justice. I wish I had a better camera, or better editing skills. I always feel like I'm cheating if I mess with the image too much...
...so I feel compelled to confess that I played around with the color on the picture below. It was actually taken right outside of the Psychology building.
The picture below is one of the trees in our front yard. I think it's some kind of crab apple and the berries stay on through the entire winter. It's nice to have that little splash of color when you are surrounded by winter.
Admittedly, I feel lucky because we get many blue sky days and sunshine. Those clear, sunny days mess with my head because it looks warm and inviting inside, and then when I walk outside, the air screams GOTCHA and laughs.
I'd like to learn how to cook something with this fruit. It makes a terrible mess in the spring.
The berries litter the sidewalks, and then the tree blooms again.
Frost fingers...
Monday, November 29, 2010
Confessions of a swamped college instructor
Students in my Advanced Social Psychology course have a big research proposal paper due on Wednesday. They've completed several assignments up to the final paper, including a rough draft that I provided feedback on (which is totally time consuming and I'd like students to know that when an instructor asks for a rough draft you shouldn't complain--they are doing you a FAVOR).
I taught this course once before and radically restructured it this time to place more of a focus on their papers because I think it's the most important part of the course. They are asked to come up with a research question, design an experiment to test their question, and give detailed predictions about what they expect to find. They are all required to have individual meetings with me at least once during the process, and additional meetings if necessary. This paper requires that they become familiar with a particular topic (of interest to THEM), think very hard about methodology and control, and really think through their hypotheses so that the resulting paper is coherent and (I hope) theory-driven.
Wednesday was listed as TBA on the syllabus, and my original plan was to watch videos or discuss topics that had been left hanging from other days. I like to build in a few days of "padding" just in case I am sick, classes or canceled, or they are hopelessly confused about something.
I told them today that since their final paper was due on Wednesday that I was canceling class just in case they needed that extra time to do a few more edits, and that they could turn the paper in to my mailbox by 4 PM. I framed the class cancellation as a reward for their hard work, and they have worked hard.
But the other, more earnest reason I decided to cancel class is that I am totally swamped and didn't want to scramble to prep something, especially if it was just something to fill time. In some sense, it was a reward for all of us. I've been very pleased with our class discussions and the amount of material we've covered this semester. If I really felt that there was something they weren't understanding or that they had been slacking off, I wouldn't cancel class, regardless of the prep time required.
I have to say, I am totally looking forward to that extra 75 minutes on Wednesday.
I taught this course once before and radically restructured it this time to place more of a focus on their papers because I think it's the most important part of the course. They are asked to come up with a research question, design an experiment to test their question, and give detailed predictions about what they expect to find. They are all required to have individual meetings with me at least once during the process, and additional meetings if necessary. This paper requires that they become familiar with a particular topic (of interest to THEM), think very hard about methodology and control, and really think through their hypotheses so that the resulting paper is coherent and (I hope) theory-driven.
Wednesday was listed as TBA on the syllabus, and my original plan was to watch videos or discuss topics that had been left hanging from other days. I like to build in a few days of "padding" just in case I am sick, classes or canceled, or they are hopelessly confused about something.
I told them today that since their final paper was due on Wednesday that I was canceling class just in case they needed that extra time to do a few more edits, and that they could turn the paper in to my mailbox by 4 PM. I framed the class cancellation as a reward for their hard work, and they have worked hard.
But the other, more earnest reason I decided to cancel class is that I am totally swamped and didn't want to scramble to prep something, especially if it was just something to fill time. In some sense, it was a reward for all of us. I've been very pleased with our class discussions and the amount of material we've covered this semester. If I really felt that there was something they weren't understanding or that they had been slacking off, I wouldn't cancel class, regardless of the prep time required.
I have to say, I am totally looking forward to that extra 75 minutes on Wednesday.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
F*ck You, TSA
I feel physically ill after watching this. There may be another side to this, but what appears here seems like a clear case of harassment, especially all the time that she was left to wait for a 30 second pat down, and the fact that she couldn't touch her belongings even after they had been screened. It is appalling that TSA doesn't know its own guidelines. I'm one of the people who thought the body-scanner thing might be blown out of proportion (I haven't decided yet), but this is simply inexcusable. It made me well up with tears.
Our New Safety Overlords - Megan McArdle - National - The Atlantic
UPDATE: After doing a few more searches on this, the incident apparently occurred in February. That doesn't make it any better, but hopefully there was some disciplinary action. I can't seem to find any further info.
Our New Safety Overlords - Megan McArdle - National - The Atlantic
UPDATE: After doing a few more searches on this, the incident apparently occurred in February. That doesn't make it any better, but hopefully there was some disciplinary action. I can't seem to find any further info.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Perplexed
The boy busted out some sidewalk chalk this morning, and asked to go color with it outside. We told him he couldn't really color on the sidewalk because it's very cold and wet and there's snow outside, but I brought out his Ikea* art easel that's been put away for several months because he didn't have much of an interest in it at the time.
He drew some pictures and I asked if he would like a wet cloth to clean the chalk off so he could draw new pictures. He said, yes please (because he has been very polite lately).
I grabbed a white wash cloth and dampened it and brought it over to him. He wiped the chalk board, and then looked confused, and looked at the part of the cloth that he had been using to wipe the board. I knew exactly what he was thinking--he was wondering how the white cloth that didn't have black paint on it made the board black again. Not just black, but really black. Darker than the parts he hadn't wiped! He continued to wipe the board off and occasionally look at the washcloth, perplexed. He said, mama, it makes it black. I thought about explaining that it was really just taking the chalk off and leaving black board behind, but he'll figure it out soon enough. In the mean time, it's fun to watch him wonder.
*I chose to specifically mention that the easel was from Ikea and link to their site because compared to catalogs from other stories (like JC Penney, Target), their catalog is far more gender neutral and doesn't make me want to vomit from stereotype poisoning. The boys and girls in an Ikea catalog play with all the toys, and I do not feel blinded by pinky pinks and bluesy blues. Men are shown cooking and holding babies. I feel dirty after I look at catalogs from other stores.
Also, they have a great selection of toys that have grown with my child because they are open-ended (i.e. the child is an active part of the play experience rather than being passively entertained). These toys don't require batteries. And they are reasonably priced. He still plays with the trains I started buying him when he was 18 months old, the stacking cups I got him when he was 2, and pretty much any other toy I've ever bought him from this retailer.
He drew some pictures and I asked if he would like a wet cloth to clean the chalk off so he could draw new pictures. He said, yes please (because he has been very polite lately).
I grabbed a white wash cloth and dampened it and brought it over to him. He wiped the chalk board, and then looked confused, and looked at the part of the cloth that he had been using to wipe the board. I knew exactly what he was thinking--he was wondering how the white cloth that didn't have black paint on it made the board black again. Not just black, but really black. Darker than the parts he hadn't wiped! He continued to wipe the board off and occasionally look at the washcloth, perplexed. He said, mama, it makes it black. I thought about explaining that it was really just taking the chalk off and leaving black board behind, but he'll figure it out soon enough. In the mean time, it's fun to watch him wonder.
*I chose to specifically mention that the easel was from Ikea and link to their site because compared to catalogs from other stories (like JC Penney, Target), their catalog is far more gender neutral and doesn't make me want to vomit from stereotype poisoning. The boys and girls in an Ikea catalog play with all the toys, and I do not feel blinded by pinky pinks and bluesy blues. Men are shown cooking and holding babies. I feel dirty after I look at catalogs from other stores.
Also, they have a great selection of toys that have grown with my child because they are open-ended (i.e. the child is an active part of the play experience rather than being passively entertained). These toys don't require batteries. And they are reasonably priced. He still plays with the trains I started buying him when he was 18 months old, the stacking cups I got him when he was 2, and pretty much any other toy I've ever bought him from this retailer.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Stranger in a Plains Land ~ 2
Here are some more terms I've become familiar with since moving to the Nodak:
Lutefisk ~ "It is said that about half the Norwegians who immigrated to America came in order to escape the hated lutefisk, and the other half came to spread the gospel of lutefisk's wonderfulness." I haven't tried the stuff because I've yet to encounter it. I'd try it if given the "opportunity" to do so.
Lutefisk ~ "It is said that about half the Norwegians who immigrated to America came in order to escape the hated lutefisk, and the other half came to spread the gospel of lutefisk's wonderfulness." I haven't tried the stuff because I've yet to encounter it. I'd try it if given the "opportunity" to do so.
Dinner vs. Supper ~ Dinner is the meal that you eat in the middle of the day. Supper is what you eat in the early evening. Where I come from, you eat lunch mid-day and dinner in the evening. My mother is from the South, so I knew these meals were called dinner and supper in the South, but didn't realize it applied to the Midwest as well.
Church Supper ~ increasingly less common, sadly, from what I hear. Here's a nice article from the 1940s. I might be an atheist, but I'm still a big fan bringing big groups of people together, especially over food.
Lefse ~ It's like a potato tortilla. In fact, I prefer to use these as tortillas rather than the things that pass as tortillas, but they are spendy--about $1 each. I'm going to have to learn to make tortillas. I think if I could do that, lefse would soon follow.
Hotdish ~ Hotdish is pretty much anything that you mix in an oven-safe dish and bake. It typically contains some kind of starchy food, some kind of protein, some kind of vegetable, and it's mixed together with a sauce, i.e. canned soup.
What's that you say? You say that the thing I have described is called a casserole? Oh no--you are mistaken. A casserole is the dish you cook stuff in. Hotdish is the food in the dish.
The most ubiquitous of the hotdishes (or at least the one I keep hearing about) is tater tot hotdish. Mmmm. You had me at tater tots.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Birth and Death and Ear Movies of Snow
Peter "Sleazy" Christopherson died this morning at the age of 55. He was, in my opinion, on of the most influential artists of the last few decades. The contribution he made to experimental music, sampling, and general f*cking around with sound cannot be overstated. I don't usually get choked up about celebrity deaths, but this made me feel like someone had just head butted me in the chest, and then I started crying.
Sleazy was a member of the bands Throbbing Gristle and Coil, and an early member of Psychic TV, and contributed to several other musical projects. Additionally, he was a music video director and an artist. I have a special connection to the music that Sleazy produced as part of Coil. First of all, I think the albums that he and John Balance created were freaking brilliant, though sometimes challenging to listen to. Some have referred to their work as "ear movies" and I think this is an great description. Peter himself said that said that he composed Coil songs visually rather than muscially:
The Snow was one of the albums on my birthing playlist, and it happened to be the album that the boy was born to. He was born towards the end of the album, and it was actually a great album for that particular point in time because the last half an hour or so of labor was hard for me to get through. Had I not been so caught up in GETTING A BABY OUT, I probably would have asked someone to skip past it when it came on, because I would have thought it "unbirthy". We were in the bedroom, and the music was playing in the living room, and I was at a point where there was NO WAY that I would have asked anyone in the room at that time to leave my side for even a second. The album is upbeat and electronic, and I was dimly aware of it playing in between contractions, but not bothered by it. It was exactly what I needed to find the energy required in those last minutes. Something more ambient and dreamy would not have been quite so effective.
After the boy was born, I wrote to Sleazy and told him my son had been born to his album. He responded and seemed delighted. I was touched that he had replied.
It was only months later when Hym and I were listening to the album again that I realized that the second to last song--the song that was playing while the boy was stuck and then likely still playing when he came flying out--was Answers Come in Dreams II.
Because the music was playing in another room and because I was deep inside birthland, I didn't hear these words that are spoken more than once in the song:
Indeed. What could be a more appropriate song for the end of a hard labor that culminated in a shoulder dystocia?
It was only tonight, as I listened to the song again, that I took notice of these other words, spoken only once:
RIP Sleazy. You gave us so much while you were alive, and now you'll return to the earth. Thank you.
Sleazy was a member of the bands Throbbing Gristle and Coil, and an early member of Psychic TV, and contributed to several other musical projects. Additionally, he was a music video director and an artist. I have a special connection to the music that Sleazy produced as part of Coil. First of all, I think the albums that he and John Balance created were freaking brilliant, though sometimes challenging to listen to. Some have referred to their work as "ear movies" and I think this is an great description. Peter himself said that said that he composed Coil songs visually rather than muscially:
"As long as I can remember, I've approached music from a visual point of view. Any technique that you can apply to a film, you can also apply to a piece of music. Our tunes that start off with a sort of film script or filmic picture are much more successful than the songs that start with a riff or bass line or conventional musical cue."His music blew my mind and expanded the boundaries of what I now like to call "auditory art". When we think about visual art, we have film, paint, sculpture (although that can be tactile as well), etc. But most people only think of music as music, rather than the potential for something more.
The Snow was one of the albums on my birthing playlist, and it happened to be the album that the boy was born to. He was born towards the end of the album, and it was actually a great album for that particular point in time because the last half an hour or so of labor was hard for me to get through. Had I not been so caught up in GETTING A BABY OUT, I probably would have asked someone to skip past it when it came on, because I would have thought it "unbirthy". We were in the bedroom, and the music was playing in the living room, and I was at a point where there was NO WAY that I would have asked anyone in the room at that time to leave my side for even a second. The album is upbeat and electronic, and I was dimly aware of it playing in between contractions, but not bothered by it. It was exactly what I needed to find the energy required in those last minutes. Something more ambient and dreamy would not have been quite so effective.
After the boy was born, I wrote to Sleazy and told him my son had been born to his album. He responded and seemed delighted. I was touched that he had replied.
It was only months later when Hym and I were listening to the album again that I realized that the second to last song--the song that was playing while the boy was stuck and then likely still playing when he came flying out--was Answers Come in Dreams II.
Because the music was playing in another room and because I was deep inside birthland, I didn't hear these words that are spoken more than once in the song:
Get ready to be delivered, and delivered in a hurry.
Indeed. What could be a more appropriate song for the end of a hard labor that culminated in a shoulder dystocia?
It was only tonight, as I listened to the song again, that I took notice of these other words, spoken only once:
Man has given a false importance to death. Every animal, plant, or man that dies adds to nature's compost heap.
RIP Sleazy. You gave us so much while you were alive, and now you'll return to the earth. Thank you.
Stranger in a Plains Land ~ 1
I'm going to do a series of posts about terms, foods, and objects I had either never heard of or knew nothing about prior to moving to North Dakota. Here's the first few:
Uff da ~ All purpose expression of Norwegian origin. Can be used as a substitute for any number of words that I am no longer allowed to say because my son will repeat them at school.
Round bacon ~ Also known as cottage bacon. The only bacon I'd ever known as "bacon" is the super-fatty strips of stuff that comes in plastic packages in the grocery store. That bacon comes from pork belly. I discovered round bacon at my local butcher shop. Round bacon is made from pork shoulder and is far more lean. It is not the same thing as Canadian bacon, despite our proximity to the border. Round bacon is what ham slices wish they could be. It's like the other bacon, but better, because it's easier to cook, slightly healthier, and is perfectly sized for BLT sandwiches
Buffalo berries ~ According to Lewis and Clark: "A berry resembling a currant except double the size" with fruit that was "deliciously flavored and makes delightful tarts". I have not had the pleasure of eating Buffalo berries fresh, but I have tasted jam and wine made from this fruit.
Choke cherries ~ Choke cherry is the official fruit of North Dakota (as of 2007)! I think I might have heard of these before, but I'd never tasted them. I had the, ahem, opportunity to taste a "ripe" chokecherry right off of the bush last summer. It was sweet, but then it lived up to its name. It was the most astringent thing I have ever put in my mouth and the pucker response in my throat made it feel like my throat was closing off. Hence the "choke" part of the name. It was worth the experience for sure, but in the future I'll stick to things like chokecherry wine, syrup, and jam.
Uff da ~ All purpose expression of Norwegian origin. Can be used as a substitute for any number of words that I am no longer allowed to say because my son will repeat them at school.
Round bacon ~ Also known as cottage bacon. The only bacon I'd ever known as "bacon" is the super-fatty strips of stuff that comes in plastic packages in the grocery store. That bacon comes from pork belly. I discovered round bacon at my local butcher shop. Round bacon is made from pork shoulder and is far more lean. It is not the same thing as Canadian bacon, despite our proximity to the border. Round bacon is what ham slices wish they could be. It's like the other bacon, but better, because it's easier to cook, slightly healthier, and is perfectly sized for BLT sandwiches
Buffalo berries ~ According to Lewis and Clark: "A berry resembling a currant except double the size" with fruit that was "deliciously flavored and makes delightful tarts". I have not had the pleasure of eating Buffalo berries fresh, but I have tasted jam and wine made from this fruit.
Choke cherries ~ Choke cherry is the official fruit of North Dakota (as of 2007)! I think I might have heard of these before, but I'd never tasted them. I had the, ahem, opportunity to taste a "ripe" chokecherry right off of the bush last summer. It was sweet, but then it lived up to its name. It was the most astringent thing I have ever put in my mouth and the pucker response in my throat made it feel like my throat was closing off. Hence the "choke" part of the name. It was worth the experience for sure, but in the future I'll stick to things like chokecherry wine, syrup, and jam.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Pyew-pyew-pyew
A few nights ago, I was getting boy ready for his shower. When I helped him get his pants off, he said,
Mama, can you lift me up to look at my penis?
You want me to look at your penis? Does it hurt?
No, I want to look at my penis.
Oh, you want to look at your penis in the mirror?
Yes.
He wanted me to help him stand on the bathroom counter so he could look at his penis in the mirror. Kind of a strange request, but there are not many mirrors in this house that are at his level. I thought that maybe he just wanted to check things out since he knows what his dad looks like from the outside. Right?
I lift the boy up and stand him up on the bathroom counter. He laughs and says,
My penis!
Then he grabs his penis, and starts making shooting sounds. Seriously. SERIOUSLY.
What are you doing? (trying to sound nonchalant).
I am pyew-pyew-pyewing (shooting sounds) mine penis!
You are shooting with your penis? Your penis is a weapon?
Yes! Pyew-pyew-pyew.
I am slightly mortified, but also choking back laughter. I mean, he's at that age where he pretends a lot of things are weapons, including shoes, fruit snacks, and pretty much any other object you can think of. We sometimes make him leave his "weapons" in a special cabinet before he plays with other children so that he doesn't pretend to shoot them, and it actually seems to work. I was at first bothered by his weapon obsession, but feel better (sort of) knowing that he is primarily attacking monsters and "bad guys" and that what I perceive as a gun is often a much more elaborate weapon like a rocket or light beam (way better, right?). I have also noticed that since he started pretending to have weapons, he actually hits other children and me much less. I *think* this is a good thing. (???)
He has pretended that his head shoots laser beams. He has pretended that his feet propel rockets. He has even staged battles between his "robot fingers". Why wouldn't he use his penis as a weapon? I mean, it's the one body part he can actually aim and already shoot stuff from. Makes perfect sense, really.
I think to myself, it's no wonder Freud had some of the ideas he did. But mostly, I just want to laugh.
I stifle the laughter, because I don't want to a) encourage penis weaponeering, b) make him feel like I'm laughing at his penis, or c) make him feel like there is something different about his penis compared to the rest of his body. All I said was, oh honey, I don't think a penis should be used as a weapon. It has many better uses and it's already cool because you can pee with it. Are you ready to get in the shower now?
As an aside, it's pretty awesome that he calls it a penis instead of some other goofy name. About six months ago, he had loose bowels, and his father said, oh, buddy, I think you have diarrhea.
No, I have a penis. Mama has a diarrhea.
I guess that's close enough...
Mama, can you lift me up to look at my penis?
You want me to look at your penis? Does it hurt?
No, I want to look at my penis.
Oh, you want to look at your penis in the mirror?
Yes.
He wanted me to help him stand on the bathroom counter so he could look at his penis in the mirror. Kind of a strange request, but there are not many mirrors in this house that are at his level. I thought that maybe he just wanted to check things out since he knows what his dad looks like from the outside. Right?
I lift the boy up and stand him up on the bathroom counter. He laughs and says,
My penis!
Then he grabs his penis, and starts making shooting sounds. Seriously. SERIOUSLY.
What are you doing? (trying to sound nonchalant).
I am pyew-pyew-pyewing (shooting sounds) mine penis!
You are shooting with your penis? Your penis is a weapon?
Yes! Pyew-pyew-pyew.
I am slightly mortified, but also choking back laughter. I mean, he's at that age where he pretends a lot of things are weapons, including shoes, fruit snacks, and pretty much any other object you can think of. We sometimes make him leave his "weapons" in a special cabinet before he plays with other children so that he doesn't pretend to shoot them, and it actually seems to work. I was at first bothered by his weapon obsession, but feel better (sort of) knowing that he is primarily attacking monsters and "bad guys" and that what I perceive as a gun is often a much more elaborate weapon like a rocket or light beam (way better, right?). I have also noticed that since he started pretending to have weapons, he actually hits other children and me much less. I *think* this is a good thing. (???)
He has pretended that his head shoots laser beams. He has pretended that his feet propel rockets. He has even staged battles between his "robot fingers". Why wouldn't he use his penis as a weapon? I mean, it's the one body part he can actually aim and already shoot stuff from. Makes perfect sense, really.
I think to myself, it's no wonder Freud had some of the ideas he did. But mostly, I just want to laugh.
I stifle the laughter, because I don't want to a) encourage penis weaponeering, b) make him feel like I'm laughing at his penis, or c) make him feel like there is something different about his penis compared to the rest of his body. All I said was, oh honey, I don't think a penis should be used as a weapon. It has many better uses and it's already cool because you can pee with it. Are you ready to get in the shower now?
As an aside, it's pretty awesome that he calls it a penis instead of some other goofy name. About six months ago, he had loose bowels, and his father said, oh, buddy, I think you have diarrhea.
No, I have a penis. Mama has a diarrhea.
I guess that's close enough...
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Academic Phone Interviews
A friend who is still in grad school contacted me for tips on academic phone interviews. He's interviewing for a psychology instructor position at a decent sized university, so not all of my stuff was relevant in this case. He specifically asked if I had prepped any questions and answers prior to the interview. Why yes, I had--I still have the document and I sent it to him. I have posted these questions and answers below, because they were fun for me to read and because maybe someone, somewhere, will find them useful. My actual notes were more concise and written in short-hand--I've expanded them here a little into something resembling complete sentences.
I do have to say, after being on the other side of the hiring process, that the thing that most often hurts a candidate is a lack of research about the job they are applying for. When we talk to a candidate who knows nothing about the institution, the people they would be working with, or the classes offered, it really hurts their chances of being invited out for an on-campus interview.
1. What is your dissertation topic and time line for completion?
That was totally not a reasonable time line for completion, but I got it done anyway.
2. What is your teaching philosophy?
I feel pretty much the same way. My objectives haven't changed, but I continue to acquire new tools to achieve them. If you have experience with different methods of teaching, you should talk about this. Specifics are helpful.
3. What undergrad courses do you want to teach?
This was a great answer and it was tailored to a specific institution because I had done my research. When they ask you what you want to or are willing to teach, they really want to here "anything". I went to their website and found out what courses they offered so that I could speak directly to those courses. I tried to craft an answer that was was honest about what I'm absolutely not qualified to teach, but also showed that I was open to stepping in to fill a need. I like teaching things that are outside of my comfort zone because I learn more in the process.
4. What graduate courses can you teach?
I think these are still accurate. At the graduate level, you should really only teach what you are an expert in. I'd still like to do brown-bag seminars on statistics topics, but will all of my other service commitments, it would be hard to find the time.
5. What are your research interests?
These were great answers at the time. I just created a short blurb for my faculty listing on the psychology department website: Social and personality psychology: gender roles; gender identity; stereotyping and prejudice; aggression; evolutionary psychology. Not much has changed.
6. What experience do you have with grants?
That's pretty much all I could say at the time, and there's not much more to say about grants other than you either were funded or weren't.
7. What do you think your vita (resume) will look like in 5 years?
This was too many answers, even if it was the truth about my goals. I was trying to play up my strengths and show that I had some big goals and some more manageable goals, but it was still too much. The emphasis on teaching was important for the job that I was particularly interested in, so that was good. If I could do this question over, however, I would split it up into what was most promising (the aggression stuff) and what I would like to put more time into after establishing a publication record (pregnancy and motherhood stereotypes) in a way similar to the way I split up my teaching interests.
8. What skills do you bring?
I would emphasize that I really, really, love working with students. If you are applying for a Research 1 job, that's a bad answer. They want to know that you have a line of research ready to go, and that your students will be working on it. I, however, really enjoy student-driven research even when it's outside of my main areas of interest. This is a major plus for liberal arts jobs, or the unique position I have at UND where research does happen, but teaching is valued. It also turns out that I have way more statistical knowledge than the average faculty member, so I am perfectly happy to analyze data, write up the results, and take a 2nd author position. This may not be a plus in some interviewing situations (like an R1 job), but it's a plus to other faculty once you have arrived (especially in smaller departments).
9. What makes you unique/diverse?
I made sure for the interview with UND to mention that I came from a rural area because I had done my research about their student population. This may not be a plus for some jobs, but I think it was a good thing to mention for this job. I would now add that I am approachable--students seem to be comfortable with me and I think that's a good thing, and it probably stems from me feeling like an "impostor" in academia :)
10. What are your weaknesses?
These are still my greatest weaknesses. My love for teaching and the fact that students approach me means that if I am not careful, teaching and working with students sucks up all of my time. I still struggle to get writing done, which is why I don't mind taking a 2nd or 3rd author position on a paper if it means that I just wrote little snippets and analyzed data. However, if I ever want a promotion, I will need more first-author publications. Publish or perish. Publish or perish.
11. What is my theoretical orientation?
I'm not even sure what that answer means. After being out of grad school for a short period of time now, I have to say that the theoretical framework that I find myself most often bringing up in conversation is an evolutionary social psych framework, but that's in part due to the fact that I'm the only person in our department with any real expertise in evolutionary social psychology. When I was surrounded by evolutionary psychologists at ASU, I often brought up sociocultural perspectives. I don't think they are at odds with each other--I think they compliment each other. The big trend that's surfacing now is how to merge evolutionary psychology and cultural psychology. Maybe my personal theoretical orientation is "devil's advocate" or "shit disturber".
12. What is your teaching experience?
I would now emphasize that even though I could probably get most of my research done with very few research assistants, I will work with almost anyone who wants research experience. I start the questionable students out on tasks that are less important so that I can determine whether they are reliable. I think one of the greatest things that happens in psychology departments is that undergraduates get research experience--that's where they really learn about psychology. In this regard, I try to make research a teaching activity. I would now emphasize the importance of training a chain of leaders and delegating responsibility. If you have a job where you are supervising grad students, you can pretty much put them in charge of your lab. If you are using undergraduates, you need to find the real stars who function as well as grad students, get them trained, and then delegate. The delegation part is hard, and it takes some time, but hopefully it means that they will then train their replacements. If you are applying for a liberal arts job or a teaching-intensive job, they want to know how your research is an extension of your teaching. I cannot help but make my research an extension of my teaching because I cannot help but want to teach students how to be researchers. Even if they don't pursue careers that have anything to do with psychology research, I hope that they at become better consumers of information and better citizens as a result of the time they spend in my lab.
I do have to say, after being on the other side of the hiring process, that the thing that most often hurts a candidate is a lack of research about the job they are applying for. When we talk to a candidate who knows nothing about the institution, the people they would be working with, or the classes offered, it really hurts their chances of being invited out for an on-campus interview.
1. What is your dissertation topic and time line for completion?
- My dissertation is a secondary data analysis focusing on abortion and mental health, and how early risk factors and exposure to violence may explain the association that has been reported between abortion history and mental health.
- Because it is a secondary data analysis, the data has already been collected. I have recoded most of the data and conducted some pilot analyses. I have extensive familiarity with the data set at this time.
- My prospectus meeting is scheduled for the beginning of the spring semester and I plan to graduate in May.
- My committee members all agree that this is a reasonable time line for completion.
That was totally not a reasonable time line for completion, but I got it done anyway.
2. What is your teaching philosophy?
- I emphasize critical thinking and the scientific method in all of my courses
- I believe the goal of a liberal arts education is to create well-informed citizens
- I try to provide a solid foundation for future researchers, while ensuring that other students get useful information for their daily lives
- I try to present material in a wide range of formats
- I utilize different modes of assessment whenever possible
I feel pretty much the same way. My objectives haven't changed, but I continue to acquire new tools to achieve them. If you have experience with different methods of teaching, you should talk about this. Specifics are helpful.
3. What undergrad courses do you want to teach?
- Top choices: Introduction to Psychology, Research Methods, Social Psychology, Advanced Social Psychology, Any other social psychology course, Gender, Psychology of Women
- Comfortable teaching, but not top choices: Statistics, Health Psychology, Personality Psychology, History and Systems, HumanSexuality
- Could do if necessary: Cognitive Psychology, Learning
- Absolutely not: Physiological Psychology, Neuroscience, Biological Psychology, Sensation and Perception
This was a great answer and it was tailored to a specific institution because I had done my research. When they ask you what you want to or are willing to teach, they really want to here "anything". I went to their website and found out what courses they offered so that I could speak directly to those courses. I tried to craft an answer that was was honest about what I'm absolutely not qualified to teach, but also showed that I was open to stepping in to fill a need. I like teaching things that are outside of my comfort zone because I learn more in the process.
4. What graduate courses can you teach?
- Top choices: Any social psychology topics, research methods, courses on gender/psychology of women
- Could do with prep: History and systems, Univariate statistics, Brown-bag "crash courses" on quantitative psychology topics
I think these are still accurate. At the graduate level, you should really only teach what you are an expert in. I'd still like to do brown-bag seminars on statistics topics, but will all of my other service commitments, it would be hard to find the time.
5. What are your research interests?
- Aggression, especially gender differences and evolutionary influences. I am particularly interested in the role status plays in aggression for men versus women.
- Violence against women and early childhood risk factors on sexuality and reproductive health; abortion and mental health
- Stereotypes about pregnancy and motherhood
- Stereotypes about gays and lesbians
- Gender identity
These were great answers at the time. I just created a short blurb for my faculty listing on the psychology department website: Social and personality psychology: gender roles; gender identity; stereotyping and prejudice; aggression; evolutionary psychology. Not much has changed.
6. What experience do you have with grants?
- I applied for National Science Foundation funding as a first-year graduate student; it was unfunded.
- I applied for grants through the Graduate and Professional Student Association, but these were also unfunded.
- I successfully obtained a research assistantship through the university. This was a short application, but it required a budget estimate and a description of research to be conducted; this was funded.
- I applied for a pre-doctoral fellowship through the National Institute for Health (NIH) with the National Institute for Drug Abuse (NIDA) as the funding agency; this was funded.
That's pretty much all I could say at the time, and there's not much more to say about grants other than you either were funded or weren't.
7. What do you think your vita (resume) will look like in 5 years?
- A handful of abortion and mental health studies that utilize structural equation modeling
- A program of research that focuses on stereotypes about motherhood and pregnancy and the implications for quality of medical care and employment opportunities
- A few aggression studies that are follow-up studies to my Masters thesis
- Collaborative projects on gender identity
- Potentially some projects about gay and lesbian stereotypes
- Greater breadth of courses taught
- Additional extramural (grant) funding
This was too many answers, even if it was the truth about my goals. I was trying to play up my strengths and show that I had some big goals and some more manageable goals, but it was still too much. The emphasis on teaching was important for the job that I was particularly interested in, so that was good. If I could do this question over, however, I would split it up into what was most promising (the aggression stuff) and what I would like to put more time into after establishing a publication record (pregnancy and motherhood stereotypes) in a way similar to the way I split up my teaching interests.
8. What skills do you bring?
- Broad training in social psychology
- Familiarity with learning, developmental psychopathology, clinical psychology
- Background in Women's studies
- Strong quantitative background
- Experience with secondary data analysis of large scale data sets
- Integration of social and clinical psychology--early risk factors that influence life-course trajectories
- Openness to work with students who have a wide variety of interests; enjoyment of student-led projects
- Openness to collaboration
I would emphasize that I really, really, love working with students. If you are applying for a Research 1 job, that's a bad answer. They want to know that you have a line of research ready to go, and that your students will be working on it. I, however, really enjoy student-driven research even when it's outside of my main areas of interest. This is a major plus for liberal arts jobs, or the unique position I have at UND where research does happen, but teaching is valued. It also turns out that I have way more statistical knowledge than the average faculty member, so I am perfectly happy to analyze data, write up the results, and take a 2nd author position. This may not be a plus in some interviewing situations (like an R1 job), but it's a plus to other faculty once you have arrived (especially in smaller departments).
9. What makes you unique/diverse?
- Non-traditional educational trajectory
- First generation college student; comfortable working with a diverse range of students
- Raised in rural area; sensitive to needs of rural students
- Background in Women's Studies and social psychology with a heavy evolutionary focus has enhanced my ability to consider diverse perspectives
- Training in experimental methods, survey methods, quantitative methods, large-scale data sets, some qualitative methods
I made sure for the interview with UND to mention that I came from a rural area because I had done my research about their student population. This may not be a plus for some jobs, but I think it was a good thing to mention for this job. I would now add that I am approachable--students seem to be comfortable with me and I think that's a good thing, and it probably stems from me feeling like an "impostor" in academia :)
10. What are your weaknesses?
- Physiological/biological/neuropsychology
- Passion for teaching--it's often easier to focus on the immediate gratification of teaching at the expense of finding time for writing
These are still my greatest weaknesses. My love for teaching and the fact that students approach me means that if I am not careful, teaching and working with students sucks up all of my time. I still struggle to get writing done, which is why I don't mind taking a 2nd or 3rd author position on a paper if it means that I just wrote little snippets and analyzed data. However, if I ever want a promotion, I will need more first-author publications. Publish or perish. Publish or perish.
11. What is my theoretical orientation?
- Broad interdisciplinary framework
- Multi-level approach that integrates the power of the situation and the broader social context that gives meaning to a particular situation
- Background in psychology of women as well as social psychology and evolutionary psychology
I'm not even sure what that answer means. After being out of grad school for a short period of time now, I have to say that the theoretical framework that I find myself most often bringing up in conversation is an evolutionary social psych framework, but that's in part due to the fact that I'm the only person in our department with any real expertise in evolutionary social psychology. When I was surrounded by evolutionary psychologists at ASU, I often brought up sociocultural perspectives. I don't think they are at odds with each other--I think they compliment each other. The big trend that's surfacing now is how to merge evolutionary psychology and cultural psychology. Maybe my personal theoretical orientation is "devil's advocate" or "shit disturber".
12. What is your teaching experience?
- Instructor: Research methods lectures and laboratories; Introduction to Psychology, Introduction to Statistics
- Teaching assistant: Social Psychology, Introduction to Psychology, Introduction to Statistics
- Tutor in high school and as undergraduate
- Recruit research assistants from courses taught
- During first semester, research assistants have light duties to prove they are reliable (pass/fail grade)
- Increased responsibility with experience--supervisory roles, training on data analysis, etc.
- Willingness to mentor student-driven projects with students who are motivated and interested in doing so.
I would now emphasize that even though I could probably get most of my research done with very few research assistants, I will work with almost anyone who wants research experience. I start the questionable students out on tasks that are less important so that I can determine whether they are reliable. I think one of the greatest things that happens in psychology departments is that undergraduates get research experience--that's where they really learn about psychology. In this regard, I try to make research a teaching activity. I would now emphasize the importance of training a chain of leaders and delegating responsibility. If you have a job where you are supervising grad students, you can pretty much put them in charge of your lab. If you are using undergraduates, you need to find the real stars who function as well as grad students, get them trained, and then delegate. The delegation part is hard, and it takes some time, but hopefully it means that they will then train their replacements. If you are applying for a liberal arts job or a teaching-intensive job, they want to know how your research is an extension of your teaching. I cannot help but make my research an extension of my teaching because I cannot help but want to teach students how to be researchers. Even if they don't pursue careers that have anything to do with psychology research, I hope that they at become better consumers of information and better citizens as a result of the time they spend in my lab.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The menstrual cycle and other wonders
We talked about sex in my introductory psychology class yesterday. I answered the questions that they had submitted. I used this video and this image to discuss the menstrual cycle and pregnancy.
I used this page to discuss why the withdrawal method is not very effective, as well as to address the question, can I have sex without a condom and just put one on before ejaculation?
We discussed the history of the vibrator to "cure" hysteria--I didn't show this slideshow, but I wanted to. We just didn't have enough time. I talked about Freud's views on femininity and a mature female sexual response, such as:
Many people still feel that there is something "wrong" with a woman if she can't achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. I talked about that for a few minutes too.
On Thursday, we'll be talking about Personality, so we'll discuss Freud some more. I can't wait.
I used this page to discuss why the withdrawal method is not very effective, as well as to address the question, can I have sex without a condom and just put one on before ejaculation?
We discussed the history of the vibrator to "cure" hysteria--I didn't show this slideshow, but I wanted to. We just didn't have enough time. I talked about Freud's views on femininity and a mature female sexual response, such as:
With the change to femininity the clitoris should wholly or in part hand over its sensitivity, and at the same time its importance, to the vagina.I love this quote, because in my cartoon brain I see a little clitoris character literally handing something over to the vagina, and the vagina just stands there looking confused.
Many people still feel that there is something "wrong" with a woman if she can't achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. I talked about that for a few minutes too.
On Thursday, we'll be talking about Personality, so we'll discuss Freud some more. I can't wait.
Monday, November 15, 2010
On lying to my kid and other guilty pleasures
I missed a post yesterday because I was exhausted from wrangling a 21 pound turkey for 3 days, and then I fell into a turkey coma. Dinner was fantastic.
Not only did we do our Friends Thanksgiving yesterday, but we also took Dude to see Mickey's Live Rockin' Road Show. I didn't think it was as good as the live Playhouse Disney show last year, but the boy enjoyed it.
I didn't tell him about the show. Instead, I wrote a letter to him from Mickey Mouse and put it in the mailbox. At 3:00, hubbie said, oh, that's strange, the mailman just put something in our box--on a Sunday!
We retrieved the letter. The letter told Dude that if he followed the instructions, he would get a surprise. I glued a picture of Mickey Mouse at the end of the letter and signed it, Your Pal, Mickey Mouse.
The instructions were to get in the car at 3:45 and follow the directions, which were driving directions to The Ralph (the Disneyland of hockey stadiums). When we pulled up, he totally figured out what was going on because that's where the show was last year. He was really excited to see Tigger again.
While the other kids sang and yelled and danced, Dude just sat in his seat, perfectly still. We asked, do you want to dance? and he shook his head no. I don't know if he just felt shy or if he was trying to be "good" by being quiet and still. He went to see his daddy perform about a month ago, and we go to see movies on the weekends, so he is a seasoned pro at being quiet and respectful at theaters. However, he was completely still like this last year as well, which was before we started going to any kind of movies or shows. I think that when he is amidst chaos he just needs to retreat inside and soak it all up sometimes.
But then...then...Tigger started his bouncerrific techno finale number. We asked if he would like to stand up and bounce with Tigger. He shook his head up and down really fast and we said go for it. OH. MY. GAWD. It was like he had been holding it all in. He was overcome with the spirit of Tigger and looked like he was either possessed or having a dancerrriffic seizure. It was awesome.
I've noticed that when there is music on at home, he will rarely dance just a little. He's not the kind of kid who kind of sways to the music. It's all or nothing. He's either oblivious or overtaken. Strangely enough, the one band that will always get him moving is Joy Divison. Seriously.
So, yes, I lied to my kid. I fabricated a Mickey Mouse letter. To make matters worse, I secretly hate Disney because the company is really nothing more than a marketing machine. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED on how pissed I was that an entire plot point of the Rockin' Road show was centered around Minnie's need for SHOES. I wanted to puke. I was so happy that I hadn't taken a little girl there, until I realized that it's also teaching little boys that all girls care about is shoes. All this, and I still bought the tickets. And it was worth it to see him bounce up and down and flail his limbs with a look of pure joy on his face. I lied to him because there is this tiny window of make-believe that will disappear someday. I wish that I could get a letter from a cartoon character and believe it. Hell, I wish I still got letters. Or sent them for that matter...
This is not the first of my lies. I also told him that thunder and lightning were caused by Thor riding his chariot through the sky, and that he threw lightning bolts down upon the earth because it was fun. Because really, if you could hurl lightning bolts, you totally would, and you know it. And I thought that the story about Thor made for a much better story than gods bowling.
Not only did we do our Friends Thanksgiving yesterday, but we also took Dude to see Mickey's Live Rockin' Road Show. I didn't think it was as good as the live Playhouse Disney show last year, but the boy enjoyed it.
I didn't tell him about the show. Instead, I wrote a letter to him from Mickey Mouse and put it in the mailbox. At 3:00, hubbie said, oh, that's strange, the mailman just put something in our box--on a Sunday!
We retrieved the letter. The letter told Dude that if he followed the instructions, he would get a surprise. I glued a picture of Mickey Mouse at the end of the letter and signed it, Your Pal, Mickey Mouse.
The instructions were to get in the car at 3:45 and follow the directions, which were driving directions to The Ralph (the Disneyland of hockey stadiums). When we pulled up, he totally figured out what was going on because that's where the show was last year. He was really excited to see Tigger again.
While the other kids sang and yelled and danced, Dude just sat in his seat, perfectly still. We asked, do you want to dance? and he shook his head no. I don't know if he just felt shy or if he was trying to be "good" by being quiet and still. He went to see his daddy perform about a month ago, and we go to see movies on the weekends, so he is a seasoned pro at being quiet and respectful at theaters. However, he was completely still like this last year as well, which was before we started going to any kind of movies or shows. I think that when he is amidst chaos he just needs to retreat inside and soak it all up sometimes.
But then...then...Tigger started his bouncerrific techno finale number. We asked if he would like to stand up and bounce with Tigger. He shook his head up and down really fast and we said go for it. OH. MY. GAWD. It was like he had been holding it all in. He was overcome with the spirit of Tigger and looked like he was either possessed or having a dancerrriffic seizure. It was awesome.
I've noticed that when there is music on at home, he will rarely dance just a little. He's not the kind of kid who kind of sways to the music. It's all or nothing. He's either oblivious or overtaken. Strangely enough, the one band that will always get him moving is Joy Divison. Seriously.
So, yes, I lied to my kid. I fabricated a Mickey Mouse letter. To make matters worse, I secretly hate Disney because the company is really nothing more than a marketing machine. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED on how pissed I was that an entire plot point of the Rockin' Road show was centered around Minnie's need for SHOES. I wanted to puke. I was so happy that I hadn't taken a little girl there, until I realized that it's also teaching little boys that all girls care about is shoes. All this, and I still bought the tickets. And it was worth it to see him bounce up and down and flail his limbs with a look of pure joy on his face. I lied to him because there is this tiny window of make-believe that will disappear someday. I wish that I could get a letter from a cartoon character and believe it. Hell, I wish I still got letters. Or sent them for that matter...
This is not the first of my lies. I also told him that thunder and lightning were caused by Thor riding his chariot through the sky, and that he threw lightning bolts down upon the earth because it was fun. Because really, if you could hurl lightning bolts, you totally would, and you know it. And I thought that the story about Thor made for a much better story than gods bowling.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Recent phone pictures
Heaven in a glass:
It's a layered iced americano, using Peet's Espresso Forte blend (or maybe Major Dickason's--I can't remember). I have Peet's shipped once every 6 weeks or so for a treat, even though my husband gets free pounds from Starbucks. I use some of the Starbucks coffee, but we also give it away.
We have a home espresso maker--a good one--and it have saved us a lot of money, especially since I can't seem to find a really good coffee shop in this town. I mixed a shot with some vanilla sugar (i.e. sugar that has vanilla beans hanging out in it), added a tish of water, added the ice, poured some half n' half slowly, and then added the last two shots by pouring them gently over the back of the spoon. It's similar to the way you make a layered latte. I can't say that it tasted any different than if I'd just mixed it all together in the first place, but I felt like I'd given myself a real treat.
Boy as Wall-E:
This was boy's Halloween costume. He knew exactly what he wanted to be this year, and I think he looks adorable.
Autumn on campus (it turns out that leaves really do change into colors other than green, less green, and brown):
We have a home espresso maker--a good one--and it have saved us a lot of money, especially since I can't seem to find a really good coffee shop in this town. I mixed a shot with some vanilla sugar (i.e. sugar that has vanilla beans hanging out in it), added a tish of water, added the ice, poured some half n' half slowly, and then added the last two shots by pouring them gently over the back of the spoon. It's similar to the way you make a layered latte. I can't say that it tasted any different than if I'd just mixed it all together in the first place, but I felt like I'd given myself a real treat.
Boy as Wall-E:
Autumn on campus (it turns out that leaves really do change into colors other than green, less green, and brown):
Friday, November 12, 2010
Inspiration or Abomination?
A friend of mine has challenged me to an Iron Chef inspired dinner party. As in, the party is at his house, and he and I are the competitors. We're still hammering out the details of how the challenge will be framed. Will guests brings items we have to use? Will we start with pool of items and then unveil the secret ingredient at the last minute? Will the time limit be 90 minutes or two hours? How many dishes will we make? We're going to both be cooking in his not particularly roomy kitchen, so it should be interesting.
I'd like to just say I'M TOTALLY STOKED about this, as it capitalizes on my love of food, love for food challenges, and competitive spark.
Since I am now obsessively contemplating the bizarre combinations of ingredients that could result from this experiment, I'd like to share this strange creation that I just discovered via a friend on Facebook. Tell me, is it a case of divine inspiration or an abomination?
I'd like to just say I'M TOTALLY STOKED about this, as it capitalizes on my love of food, love for food challenges, and competitive spark.
Since I am now obsessively contemplating the bizarre combinations of ingredients that could result from this experiment, I'd like to share this strange creation that I just discovered via a friend on Facebook. Tell me, is it a case of divine inspiration or an abomination?
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Friends Thanksgiving
A group of us who met on the 2009 new faculty bus tour have continued to get together on a regular basis since then. In fact, we've been such a tight-knit group that some folks at the university referred to us as the "first year mafia" last year--a term that we wholeheartedly embraced. Academia is a strange world, and I think we've provided a great social support network for each other. It's nice to have friends outside of your department who are as terrified as you are.
Last year, we had a "friends" Thanksgiving potluck dinner. That was the day that I realized that I had found a little family of great folks here in the Nodak. I wasn't going to attend the dinner, because I didn't have a sitter and Hyrum was working and I was so accustomed to events and gatherings that were not kid friendly that I didn't even want to try to take Albie with me. A few hours before dinner was supposed to start, the host realized I wasn't coming and that it was because I didn't have a sitter, but she didn't have my number. She called someone who called me, and the relayed message was essentially WTF are you thinking? Get your butt over here. Of course your child is welcome. I actually teared up I was so touched that a) people realized I had a child, b) my child was welcome, and c) I would be missed if I didn't attend.
Well, we're doing it again this year. There will be 20 of us. How exciting! It's like a family holiday without all of the family drama. What more could you ask for?
I volunteered to bring the turkey. Well, I'm actually going to prep the turkey and then take it to the hosts' house around 11:30 and just shove it in the oven, and then they'll tend to it until supper time.
I'm not obligated to bring anything else on top of the turkey, but I decided to make this Cranberry-Citrus Relish with Pomegranate and TEQUILA! as well, because we made it one year and it's just fantastic.
I'm thinking that after this big dinner on Sunday, I'm not going to do the whole dinner thing for the three of us on the official day. I'm thinking I'll bring home the turkey carcass and make some kind of soup...
Last year, we had a "friends" Thanksgiving potluck dinner. That was the day that I realized that I had found a little family of great folks here in the Nodak. I wasn't going to attend the dinner, because I didn't have a sitter and Hyrum was working and I was so accustomed to events and gatherings that were not kid friendly that I didn't even want to try to take Albie with me. A few hours before dinner was supposed to start, the host realized I wasn't coming and that it was because I didn't have a sitter, but she didn't have my number. She called someone who called me, and the relayed message was essentially WTF are you thinking? Get your butt over here. Of course your child is welcome. I actually teared up I was so touched that a) people realized I had a child, b) my child was welcome, and c) I would be missed if I didn't attend.
Well, we're doing it again this year. There will be 20 of us. How exciting! It's like a family holiday without all of the family drama. What more could you ask for?
I volunteered to bring the turkey. Well, I'm actually going to prep the turkey and then take it to the hosts' house around 11:30 and just shove it in the oven, and then they'll tend to it until supper time.
I'm not obligated to bring anything else on top of the turkey, but I decided to make this Cranberry-Citrus Relish with Pomegranate and TEQUILA! as well, because we made it one year and it's just fantastic.
I'm thinking that after this big dinner on Sunday, I'm not going to do the whole dinner thing for the three of us on the official day. I'm thinking I'll bring home the turkey carcass and make some kind of soup...
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