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I miss the mountains.

I miss the desert. The feeling of the desert. The smell of her after a long-awaited rain.

The feeling of the desert ground beneath my feet. The smell of hot and dry. The color of the sunlight. The way that sun feels. A different sun. A different side of the sun goddess.

I long for the feeling of dry, dry, relentless sun on my skin, even as I am glad to have escaped it.

The sounds of the insects. Of course there are insects here. Of course they are noisy. But it's a different noise.

I miss the music of the desert. A lullaby. Familiar. Home.

It rains here. Not all the time. Not necessarily a lot. But a lot more than in Arizona. And every time it does, I still think it is magical. When water falls from the sky I am little shocked. Surprised. Grateful. Water. The source of all life.

And I love it here. And sometimes I feel torn as if I am being pulled towards two lovers. Home. And here.

Here is could-be-home. Almost. Except for the home part.

I love the people here. I love the friends I've made. I found a tribe, and it took no time all, and I feel like I belong. Which is not necessarily a common thing for me.

I dig the landscape and the wide-open sky.

But I never realized, until I was apart from it, how much the landscape you grow up in is inextricably a part of you. It's not a matter of comfort. It's a matter of identity.

The plants here are foreign. I never realized how much my father taught me about the natural world--the world that surrounded our home.

The bugs here are foreign. And birds too. Bees I've never seen. In droves. But they are kind bees and I am almost not afraid of them.

I don't want to live in a large city. I don't want to live in Phoenix. So if I can't be home, I might as well be here. I won't be looking too hard for jobs elsewhere. But if an opportunity to be in Flagstaff appeared, I would probably leap on it. But it would have to be a really good job. Because, oh yeah, that's the other thing I should mention. I LOVE my job here. I like the department. The research and teaching load and size and resources are all nicely balanced for my needs.

If only there were mountains...and good Mexican food...